Friday, April 17, 2009

The Force is Strong with this One

My favorite story this month has to be that eight of Scotland's police officers, in a recent internal survey, listed their official religion as Jedi.

Strathclyde was the only "force" in the UK to admit it had Jedi officers with local officials stating: "The Force appears to be strong in Strathclyde Police…Far from living a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, some members of the noble Jedi order have now chosen Glasgow and its surrounding streets as their home." About 390,000 people listed their religion as Jedi in the 2001 Census for England and Wales. In Scotland the figure was a reported 14,000.

This is certainly the most “inspirational” story to break out of the UK in recent weeks (barring Susan, “the force is strong with this one”, Boyle’s recent appearance on “Britain’s Got Talent”) and I’m now considering, just like, brothers Barney and Daniel Jones, who founded the UK Church of the Jedi - which offers sermons on the Force, light sabre training, and meditation techniques, on consecrating the first Jedi-Anglican-Baptist-American church, otherwise known as JABA.

I wonder if Susan Boyle would lead our choir?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bed Bugs

A recent study states that: "Bed Bug" infestation hit an all-time-high in the United States over the last eight years. Makes sense to me, the Bush administration had everything else bugged....why not the beds? Lastly, I'll leave you with this thought, if you had to have "Bed Bugs" wouldn't it be nice if they looked like Padma Lakshmi?

Monday, April 13, 2009

A Wizard In A Tea Cup or "Tea Baggins Rides Again!"

The whole “Tea Party” story has “spilled over” into even more perverse and sinister territory in the past few days. Throughout the country, "cockeyed” militias and racist white power groups, like the KKK, have embraced the sloganeering “Tea Baggers”, raising the level of “threat” associated with the ever-so-charming, "Bag", "political” cotillions.

Tea Baggers they are... and Tea Baggers they will be... And this is probably why they seem to have had no problem with their new (or maybe old) friends showing up at the party! What a charming thought the Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan sharing a cup of “Earl Grey” with the local Fox News reporter or militia leaders wife.

“What can we do?” you ask “to counter this wizardly attack on "good sense" and the time-honored, wholesome tradition of “Tea Bagging”?” “Fear not” says I… “Me thinks the time has come to call out our greatest weapon!”.

Look out, "Grand Wizard of the KKK” it’s the “White Wizard”! That’s right... Gandalf, Baby!… On Shadowfax he rides light of hoof and... Wait…! What’s that sitting between our kindly wizards legs? Not Frodo, not Bilbo.. no… it’s his most secret of weapons… more angry than a dragon with enchanted hemorrhoids…T’is none other than “TEA BAGGINS” riding in hard from the distant land of Sackville!

Lord, help those Tea Baggers now!

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Cagney and Lacey Factor

There have been a number of articles lately focusing on the fashion sensibilities of the women of the new administration, in particular their choice of haircut. It seems that eight of President Obama's female employees; Cristina Romer, Janet Napolitano, Kathleen Sebelius, Hillary Clinton, Desiree Rogers, Valerie Jarrett, Lisa Jackson, Cassandra Butts, and Lisa Jackson, have chosen short-cropped hair.

Now there are a lot of reasons to have short hair it’s, professional looking, easier to dye, frames the face and or you were alive during the 1976 Olympics and never got over the “Hamill Camel” (a now classic ice skating maneuver) and its creator Dorothy Hamill. Though the reasons may be legion, the choice, I feel, can most be defined by what I call, “The Cagney and Lacey” factor. I am referring, of course, to the much-loved 1980s procedural cop drama and its two smart, female characters who’s lives and careers centered around combating crime in “Thriller” era New York City.

The 14-time Emmy award winning show factors heavily, as Carl Jung put it, “in the reservoir of the experiences of our species” and was the “Police, Sex and the City” of it’s time. The characters of, Christine Cagney, a single, career-minded, tough, witty, working-class woman and Mary Beth Lacey, a married, working mother balancing career, sex and family, have become archetypes, to a generation, of strong minded independent women.

It’s really no wonder. The show, unique in its time for it’s complexity and format, took on controversial issues of the day like, AIDS, date rape, cocaine addiction, racism, and spousal abuse. The real “breakout” element in this “Spiritus Mundi” was that; though solving crimes was part of the series equation, the real emphasis was on exploring the working and personal lives of the two women.

The subject matter of the show was matched with an equally strong visual iconography. Both women were pretty but of “a certain age” that projected ‘maturity of mind”, transcending the merely physical. Their clothes and hair were “a la mode” working-class, both sporting short-sheared-coifs that helped bind them together as well as defend them from their male dominated profession.

This last element, the “hairstyle”, was key. A self-imposed gauntlet; the removal of one of the most obvious tenants of female sexuality, thrown down in a gesture of self-flagellation, to prove their worth and to show diminishment could be transcendent and that through vulnerability they could become even stronger and more complete paragons of womanhood and feminine virtue. Such an open display of power and confidence could not be help but intoxicate and enthrall the show’s viewers. It did.

Though the series ended in 1988, “Cagney and Lacey” continues to inform and influence a generation and has become “the” touchstone of the professional woman’s hair-dressing choices.

Below is our "Fun Poll" please rate the following as more “Cagney” or “Lacey”:

1) Cristina Romer 2)Janet Napolitano 3)Kathleen Sebelius 4)Hillary Clinton 5)Desiree Rogers 6)Valerie Jarrett 7)Lisa Jackson 8)Cassandra Butts 9)Lisa Jackson

Bonus:
Rachel Maddows

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The "Fonzie Ponzi"

We all bought into it, invested deeply in his proposition. Why? Because he seemed so unflappable, imbued with that “I can’t fail aura”. He had our trust, security and children’s future placed in his hands. Then, our deep beliefs were torn away by a massive “Ponzi” scheme, the scope of which had rarely been seen. Who am I speaking of Madoff, Enron, Keating? No, I’m referring to one Arthur Fonzarelli a.k.a the “Fonz” or to his inner circle “Fonzie”.

It all began in the Great lakes city of Milwaukee, Wisconsin were “Fonzie” and three accomplices; Radulf “Ralph” Malph, Warren "Potsie" Weber and a key enabler Richard “Richie” Cunningham schemed to elevate there own social status by becoming, feeder funds, to Fonzarelli’s myth-o-mania social “Ponzi”.


Wait… rewind…what exactly is a "Ponzi" scheme? Named after Charles Ponzi, a notorious con man from Italy who immigrated to the United States in 1903, the scheme is, in financial terms, a fraudulent business that pays returns to investors from their own money or money paid by subsequent investors rather than from any actual profit earned. The Ponzi scheme usually offers short-term returns that are either abnormally high or unusually consistent. The “Ponzi” requires an ever-increasing flow of money from investors in order to keep the scheme going. In 1920 Ponzi coordinated a con, which took him from anonymity to being a well-known Boston millionaire in six months.

This same model was used in the “Fonzie Ponzi” only in a social networking context. Here’s how it worked:


Meeting often at a “Drive-In” restaurant owned by one Alphonse “Al” Delvecchio, “Richie”, “Potsie” and “Ralph” enticed patrons and their fellow students from the nearby high school into the “Fonzie Ponzi” with the promise of a simple introduction to Fonzarelli, who would then offer “help” or “guidance” on any number of adolescent crises.

At first the plotter were flush with success, Milwaukee’s youth flocked to the dinner for advice regarding all aspects of life whether, moral, sexual or financial. The “Fonz”, dressed in black leather, was known to “hold court” in the restaurant’s bathroom, dispensing advice to groups of young men who’d gathered there to listen. Infamously during these pontifications Fonzarelli would rarely look his followers in the eye, choosing instead to stare into the mirror, incessantly combing his hair while speaking.

The social investment “Ponzi” worked like this; by acknowledging the “coolness” of “Fonzie” one could, hope to one day, become “cool”. This worked in theory but without exception none of the “investors” ever actually achieved “cool” status. Instead they embarked on perpetual quest with the bar of achievement, ever rising. The participants could only ever hope to be “in process” and in fact never achieve favored “Cool” status.


In those early “Happy Days”, dealing only with adolescent problems, “the Fonz” kept his profile low, allowing his organization time to strengthen. Soon the scope went beyond just teenagers, Cunninghams parents became involved. Howard "Mr. C." Cunninghan and Marion "Mrs. C." Cunningham let Fonzarelli use a spare room over their garage as a base of operations. Over time more and more adults became ensnared in “Fonzies” game. So grand had his operation grown that he recruited family members into the “play’ including; cousin Charles "Chachi" Arcola and his mother Louisa, “roommates” Shirley Feeney and Laverne De Fazio as well as his former girlfriend (perhaps common law wife) Pinky Tuscadero (a known member of an outlaw biker gang).


The scheme was wildly successful and within the space of one year Fonzarelli was widely considered the “coolest” man in the World. Yet still no dividend to his followers!
The turning point and subsequent downfall came as follows:

By 1977, “Fonzies” narcissism and ego were total out of control and he had become an almost a comic book version of himself. On September 20th of that same year Fonzarelli, in an incredible act of hubris, wearing swim trunks and his trademark leather jacket, jumps over a penned-in shark while water skiing. Slightly injured in the stunt and perhaps dazed he delivered the uncharacteristic platitude; that taking “risks” "isn't cool". “Isn’t Cool”… the words thundered out across the globe, in later years this moment would come to be known as “Jumping the Shark”. Soon there were whispers, whisper everywhere and “not cool- not cool” were the watchwords. “Fonzie” grounded and "human", began to unravel. Rumors of his belief in alien visitations and his claims of friendship with an E.T. named "Mork" from the improbably name planet "Ork" caused followers to rapidly divest of Fonzarelli’s brand of “Cool”.

In the following years a tsunami of depression and panic at oncoming middle age caused the “Fonz” to withdraw. He later grew a beard, adopted a young child and when confronted by the media, claimed to be “a simple garage mechanic”. This, with his departure from the limelight, left behind millions of disenchanted followers to pick up their lives and “re-school” their own hopes of “cool”.

The world will probably never again experience a Fonzimonium of this magnitude, having learned what “Isn’t cool”….. but then again in the prophetic words of Warren Buffett, "it's only when the tide goes out that you learn who's been swimming naked" or “Jumping the Shark!”.

Monday, April 6, 2009

Release the Three-Headed Hound of Hell or Where’s Tony Stark when we need him!

Today New York State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo filed civil fraud charges against J. Ezra Merkin a Madoff middleman. Merkin, may have, dumped huge amounts of investors' money into the $65 billion Ponzi scheme, through the giant hedge fund Cerberus, basically a huge feeder fund.

Cerberus?.... My first question is who invests their money with a company who’s named after the three-headed dog guardian of Hell? Not me! The message is clear!

And what about the “Iron Man” super-villain named… ah.. “Cerebrus” (a combination of the words: Cerberus and Cerebrum). Here’s a brief overview of "Iron man's" ultimate nemesis; Cerebrus was an immense super computer spanning almost the entire surface of Earth. It possessed advanced analytical and multi-tasking abilities, coordinating and regulating virtually every facet of life on Earth, from power plants to agriculture to transportation. It utilized a number of human servants, mostly men, all of whom have had their original personality, morals and memories erased to better serve its will. The Human race rapidly became completely dependent on Cerebrus, zombie-like slaves of the machine incapable of thinking or caring for themselves!

Hmm... it does sound familiar…

Where’s Tony Stark when we need him! And where's Tony's hedge fund? I mean he was a billionaire, he must have done something with all that money.... that's what we need...A super-hero investment group... Stark/Wayne investments...Sounds good!

From Turkey With Love

With Obama's visit to Turkey the usual grumble and mumbles have begun about their entry in the EU and the ubiquitous "Are they ready?" question (are any of us?). Well, to the aforementioned condescension I would point out; Turkey and the US have been staunch allies since the end of WWII (through right and wrong!), a favored trading partner and a consumer of Amero-pop-culture. They even helped out James Bond in "From Russia with Love"... Kerim ("I've led a fascinating life") Bey is definitely the most charming of all Bond sidekicks... when he takes Bond to the female Gypsy fight, well...what more do you want from a friend? The Turkish train sequence at the end film is the most exciting and suspenseful of all the Bond movies. Well...the Cold War is over and Bond now has blond hair... but I say....Shake yourself a pitcher of vodka martinis and ..... wait I was talking about Turkey...yes...Turkey... Ancient Rome, Troy, The Blue Mosque, Ephesus, Dolmabahce Palace.... the history, beauty...Turkey....I'm sold!

Sunday, April 5, 2009

"Roofied” at a Disco

I see Newt Gingrich's "ample" visage on the television and web, almost on a daily basis, giving his "perspective" on the new Obama administration and their policy decisions. So I thought I'd add a little of my own "Newt" color-commentary/story to the mix just for laughs!

I met Newt once when I was filming a documentary at the Museum of Natural history in New York City. It was a truly bizarre moment! We were in Margret Mead’s old office getting ready to film when sudden the "well" headed Newt appeared at the door. He was being led around by the staff and apparently, I was told, is a huge supporter of the Museum (after all it was patronized heavily by Theodore Roosevelt ). Newt feigned interest in what we were doing and in a knee-jerk hyper-politico move, glad-handed the entire room, including me (I felt like I’d been “roofied” at a disco). It was all over in an instant and he was off like a “prom dress” through the dusty halls of the reserve floors of the museum and we were, though slightly dazed, back to filming skulls of Homo Heidelbergensis.... who by-the-way don't have a large cranial vault like Newt....Dam that evolution!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

On A Sad Note

Maurice Jarre, composer and master of the Hollywood epic score, died this weekend in his Malibu home. The nine-time Academy Award nominee was 84.

Jarre won three of those nine “Oscar” nominations, all for films directed by David Lean. From the deserts of Saudi Arabia in “Lawrence of Arabia”, to the Russian taiga for “Dr. Zhivago” or the Indian subcontinent in “A Passage to India”, Jarre’s use of simple noble melodies to illustrate vast cinematic landscapes was the glue that held the aforementioned films together and allowed Lean the grandiosity, scale and reflective space necessary to execute his larger-than-life vision. Their collaboration was one of the great cinematic pairings, like Hitchcock and Herrmann or Truffaut and Constantin. Jarre described his relationship with Lean and why it worked in the simplest of terms; “Lean had very specific ideas about the music for the films and I understood what He wanted”.

Jarre was one of the first film composers I was really aware of as child. His already legendary status was burned into my memory one chilly New England evening when I watched (with my grandmother) “Lawrence of Arabia” on the television. Lying on the indigo-rag carpet of my Grandmother’s living room floor I was transfixed, nothing could have seemed or sounded more exotic.

In the years to come both “Dr. Zhivago” and “A Passage to India” had a similar effect on me and in one of those "lateral" steps in life, twenty-five-years later I found myself in Bangalore, India working with Ashok Mandanna, one of the stars of “A Passage to India”. I remember in particular an afternoon at Ashok's home, where over tea, we discussed Lean, Jarre and the production of the film. It was an amazing afternoon, really great fun and a long long way from Autumnal New England nights.
 
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